Why I’ve lost faith in Tony Robbins (and most life coaches)December, 2. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life – and it happened while I was completely alone. I had just graduated and was trying to start a business. It wasn’t going well, and my confidence was shot to shit. In an attempt to improve myself, I picked up a copy of Tony Robbin’s book, “Unlimited Power.”In it, he teaches a Neuro Linguistic Programming technique, which he claims will rewire my mind for peak performance. The procedure was simple: lay down, focus on the thoughts that are sabotaging me, and then yell, “WOOSH” while throwing my arms above my head. Though it seemed ridiculous, I tried it for a while. Something about how Tony writes and how successful he is made me think it might just work. After 2. 0 minutes of “wooshing” I felt like a complete jackass.
I realized that I was chasing the emotional equivalent of a “get rich quick” scheme. My confidence was the worse for wear.***I know the personal development industry well. When I worked as a professional speaker, I often found myself coaching individuals, motivating large crowds, and speaking about the limitless potential resting within each human. More than that, I was a junkie. I attended seminars, read every book, and tried a lot of eccentric stuff. Today, my feelings about personal development are conflicted. When done well, it can transform a life. But most of the time it’s little more than glorified entertainment, sugar highs, and empty promises.Occasionally personal development can become deeply destructive.In this article I’ll shed light on the emotional sleight of hand within the personal development industry, explain times when personal development tends to work, and show you how to find more effective avenues for growth.Understanding the deception in personal development. The biggest problem in personal development is that most people who work in the space, really shouldn’t. F ive years ago this week, a ragtag group of die-hard journalists and storytellers launched Narratively, needing to fill a void we saw in the modern media landscape.Instead of giving life advice to the masses, they should be talking to a therapist in private. However, since most people in the industry don’t truly understand themselves (and consequently, can’t understand others) personal development is filled with psychological and emotional deception. It happens on three levels. Level 1: the blatant lies. A shocking number of coaches simply lie to their customers. This includes everything from fake testimonials (you can buy those on Fiverr), PDFs teaching you “this one weird trick,” and charlatans who promise the world but deliver a steaming pile of shit. In most cases, these deceptions are transparent, so we won’t spend too much time here. As a rule, if something seems too good to be true, it is. Level 2: subtle lies mingled with profound truths. ![]() Overcome anxiety. Overcome worry. Find out how God works in our soul to restore our peace and how 10 Bible verses can help. ![]() Most of the industry rests here. The majority of people drawn to personal development can make small changes that will produce dramatic results. A passable coach, speaker, or author can help you make these changes. They’ll explain the importance of the skill you’re developing, hold you accountable for a few weeks, and cheer you on. Your life will be better. These small changes include: So far, all of that is legit. The deception comes after the client has begun to get results. The coach will then begin promising things that she can’t possibly deliver. Because she’s already produced great results, you’re likely to trust her. You want to trust her. We all want the easiest path to success possible. If all we have to do is continue paying a seemingly helpful professional, we’d be crazy not to. This is where whimsical ideas about working four hours a week, manifestation, a seven- minute cure to stuttering, rock hard abs in minutes, and endless orgasms come in. We want these things to be possible, so we surrender to their glaring illusion. Level 3: deep layers of manipulation masked by truth, hope, assertiveness, and charisma. Imagine for a moment that you’re attending a seminar led by a talented speaker. She says, almost offhandedly, “Write down the names of five people you love.”Obediently, you write down the names of your parents, your brother, your lover, and your best friend. The speaker proceeds to tell her dark secret. When she was younger, she battled with depression, alcoholism, poverty, and an eating disorder. After years of searching for solutions, she decided her life wasn’t worth living. Just as she put the gun to her head, she had an epiphany: she never learned to love herself. In fact, she realized that for most of her life, she hated herself. In that moment, she felt clarity and relief for the first time. Since learning to love herself she’s become rich, happy, and successful. Next, she returns your attention to the list of people you love the most. She asks if anyone in the room has written their own name. No one raises their hand. Suddenly, everyone starts to realize that they don’t love themselves as much as they should. The audience members feel as though they just uncovered the deep- rooted secret about what’s holding them back from the life they “deserve.”The trainer goes on to teach a few good strategies for self- love and explains that she expands upon them in additional seminars, books, courses, and one- on- one work. The audience is hers. But did you see what happened there? First, she asked a trick question. Even folks with dangerously large egos would fail to answer, “Myself” when asked, “Who do you love the most?”Next, she created huge amounts of vulnerability in the room by telling an intimate story. Finally, she presented a solution. She explained that she’ll share what she can now, and if you want to learn more about the secrets to success, she has follow- up workshops, books, and courses you can buy. In addition to hinging on a trick question (which creates a false reality in the audience’s mind), she also implies that the follow- up services will speed up success. In most cases, this just isn’t true. Once you’ve learned the basics, it’s up to you to do the hard work. There are no shortcuts. But of course, there’s no need to take my word for any of this. You can see for yourself by watching the documentary: Tony Robbins: I am not your Guru. Why I believe Tony Robbins abuses people for profit. Before we begin, we need to establish a few facts about Tony Robbins, the world famous “Peak performance” coach. He has helped countless people, including world famous athletes, celebrities, and politicians. He is not a psychologist, psychiatrist, doctor, or licensed mental health professional of any sort. He is likely less intelligent than he seems. He spent years of his life eating fish several times a day, yet still seemed surprised when he got mercury poisoning (see Robbin’s interview on the Tim Ferriss show, episode 1. He is likely less authentic or self- aware than he seems. In the documentary, he says that he never gets stage fright, yet we witness him going through an elaborate “Priming” ritual before his seminars. His raw confidence, charisma, voice, and tall, handsome, broad shouldered appearance combine to make him nearly irresistible. People can’t help but get sucked into his aura and take what he says for fact. Heck, this happens to me. But to truly see Tony, you need to observe his actions separate from his magnetic draw. The documentary, Tony Robbins: I am not your guru allows us to do just that. It captures Robbin’s six day “Date with Destiny” event. During the event he gets the audience pumped up and teaches them to focus on themselves and their authentic desires. He tells brilliant stories that help people understand our world and their role within it. He teaches people to connect with their confidence and to lean into some of the harder conversations in their lives. All of this is good. He’s providing real value. He starts to blur the line between reality and fiction when he states that someone’s life can, “Change in a moment.” We all know that enduring change doesn’t happen in a moment; it takes time. Still, we’re so seduced by Robbins and the possibility of fixing our problems that we allow ourselves to be duped. Throughout the documentary, Robbins goes from telling hopeful – perhaps even innocent – lies, to being a flat out douchebag. He: Bullies a woman into calling her boyfriend and breaking up with him while 2,5. Spoiler alert: they get back together after the seminar. Encourages a survivor of systemic childhood rape to tell the story of her abuse without preparation (or really, consent) in front the entire audience. Steps to Overcoming Discouragement - Spiritual Living, Christian Faith. Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical applications of Dr. Don Wilton's new book, A Hope and a Future: Overcoming Discouragement, (B& H Publishing Group, 2. A stale marriage. A chronic health condition. A prolonged period of unemployment. Discouragement sets in when you start to feel a sense of hopelessness about your future - when it seems like the troubling circumstances you're going through won't ever improve. But if you look beyond your circumstances to God, you'll discover the real hope and better future that He promises you. Here's how you can overcome discouragement: Pray. God already knows how discouraged you feel, but He wants you to talk to Him about your feelings and listen for how His Spirit guides you. Honestly vent your frustration to God and keep in mind that He cares about what you're going through. Ask God to open your eyes spiritually so you'll be able to see your circumstances from His perspective. Pray for deliverance from circumstances that aren't God's will, and perseverance to empower you to endure circumstances that are His will until you learn all you're supposed to learn from them. Remember Who God is. Shift your focus from your discouraging circumstances to God Himself. Remember that He is love, and also that He is all- powerful. Trust that God will help you because that's consistent with His character. SEE ALSO: How to Take Heart When You are Discouraged. Prepare yourself for the discouraging situations you're bound to encounter. Every day, Satan will try to discourage you in some way, but you can guard against such attacks by keeping up with some basic spiritual disciplines daily. Pray, read and reflect on the Bible, write in a journal, and check in with a prayer partner to give each other encouragement and accountability. Stick to your assignment. Think and pray about the work you're currently doing for God. Ask Him to clarify whether or not He has truly led you to your current assignment. Reflect on the successes and failures you've experienced so far and see if you can recognize a pattern that can help you discern if you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. If it seems as if you're doing what God wants you to do but you just need to overcome some challenges while doing it, don't give up. Instead, fight discouragement by writing down a fresh vision for how to continue your work in the future. Get guidance from a Christian counselor. If your discouragement has become so deep that you're struggling to overcome it, share your concerns with a Christian counselor who can give you biblical advice about how to move forward. Refill your spiritual energy tank. Identify what's causing your spiritual energy levels to run low, write down the problem, form partnerships with a few people you trust who can join you in prayer about it, develop a clear strategy for solving the problem (such as scheduling a set time and place for daily devotions, or joining a weekly discipleship group), take action, and make yourself accountable to the people who are supporting you in prayer. SEE ALSO: Myth- Busters against Discouragement. Take care of your physical health. Giving your body the care it needs will help you feel less discouraged. Eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. Spend time with someone who isn't discouraged. Time in that person's positive presence will naturally make you feel better yourself. Give to people in need. Reaching out to help other people will prove encouraging for you because it will give you the joy of knowing that God has used you in significant ways. Simplify your life. Base your schedule on your priorities. Don't waste time and energy on activities that don't reflect what's most important to you. Freeing yourself from unnecessary tasks will encourage you. SEE ALSO: The Audacity of (Christian) Hope Share your faith with others. Whenever God gives you the opportunity to share your faith with non- Christians who seeking Him, do so. You'll remind yourself of how God has worked in your life and experience the joy of helping others discover Him. Use the talents God has given you. Letting your talents lie dormant will only increase your sense of discouragement. Ask God to lead you to specific situations where you can put them to full use - for God's glory, and to help make the world a better place. Resist Satan's efforts to discourage you more. Remember the Bible's promise that if you resist Satan, he will flee from you. Every day, pray for the spiritual strength you need to fight the evil attacks that you'll encounter in this fallen world. When Satan tempts you to doubt God, choose to trust Him. When Satan tries to deceive you and you feel confused, pray to discern the truth. When Satan promotes divisions between you and other Christians, make every effort to keep the unity of the Holy Spirit through the bond of peace. Keep in mind that God's power working in you is greater than any of Satan's schemes and, in Christ, you have the spiritual authority to defeat Satan's work and emerge victorious. Choose faith over fear. Recognize that God is always with you - even in the middle of the most discouraging circumstances. Whenever you feel afraid, choose to trust God despite your fear. God may not change your circumstances when you'd like Him to, but He will always give you the encouragement you need to deal with them as long as necessary. Never give up! Keep holding on to God's promise that He has an important plan for your life. Keep praying for the encouragement you need to fulfill all of His purposes for you. Adapted from A Hope and a Future: Overcoming Discouragement, copyright 2. Don Wilton. Published by B& H Publishing Group, Nashville, Tn., www. BHPublishing. Group. Dr. Don Wilton has served as senior pastor of the First Baptist Church of Spartanburg, South Carolina for 1. He also serves as president of The Encouraging Word television ministry. Dr. Wilton has written and published many manuals, articles and reviews for the Southern Baptist Convention, Preaching and Decision magazines, as well as other publications. His books include Starting for the Finish, The Absolute Certainty of Life After Death (a novel), See You at the Finish Line, Totally Secure, and When God Prayed. Dr. Wilton has served as president of the South Carolina Baptist Convention. He is a frequent speaker for the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association at the Billy Graham Training Center at The Cove, as well as the Billy Graham Schools of Evangelism held around the world. He is a frequent guest of other TV ministries and guest speaker and preacher in many Bible conferences, state conventions, seminaries and colleges across the United States. Don and his wife, Karyn, have three grown children. Original publication date: October 1.
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